Parenting is HARD



I know that we chose to be parents, and I know that a lot of people WISH they could be parents and pray for it for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I have wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl, but this parenting stuff is HARD.



I guess we just have two kiddos in bad stages. At the same time.

Louise is teething and has acid reflux.

Cameron is almost 3 1/2.

Enough said, right?

Wine isn't cutting it anymore...I'm going to start taking shots of vodka when I walk through the door.




Most days are great. Or good enough. Or don't make me cry.

But some days, I let go of big fat tears, and I still don't feel better.

Monday night was the WORST night I've ever had parenting. Louise wouldn't stop crying from 5:00 - 7:00, and Cameron only wanted me. He was literally BEGGING me to sit next to him while he ate and watched his iPad. (Yes, the iPad was his babysitter that night while I tended to Louise and Chad took care of the house and dinner.) When Louise finally went to sleep, I crawled into bed with Cam (who was sleep) and just held his hand and talked to him. I felt so stupid, but I felt like I needed to. Maybe he had a good dream because of it? I can hope. I went to bed with baggy eyes from crying and SO MUCH GUILT.

Then yesterday, was an AMAZING day of parenting. Why the emotional roller coaster? Louise was HAPPY ALL. DAY. LONG. She napped and she ate, and she smiled. She hasn't smiled, unprompted, in so long! I got to cook dinner. Chad got to hang with Cam. We were the All-American family.



I know that Cameron is just being three and dying for attention. He only wants ME unless Chad is playing with Louise. Then he wants him. But mostly, he wants me. To put him to bed. To buckle his car seat. To get his dinner. I mean, I love it...he's my little man. But, it kills me sometimes! I wish I had a clone to be with each kid at the same time. Cameron's not listening, he's aggressive, and he does what he wants (for a hot second until he gets in trouble). It's HARD.



I want a pause button sometimes, to just put everyone down and stop. In the middle of it, it SUCKS. I don't like NOT enjoying being a mom. It rarely happens, and this has just been a crapshoot of a week, but when it does happen, I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm not giving Cameron enough attention. Or not knowing how to calm Louise down. Is it her teeth? Acid reflux? Gas? Is she overtired? Hungry? Sometimes, I feel like I'm not even her mom because I don't know what to do. Shouldn't my instincts kick in at some point?



And I feel like I am creating a monster with Cameron because he's not my obedient little boy anymore. He used to never leave my side in a store. He used to listen the first time. Lately, I feel like all I am doing is telling him to stop doing something or counting to three (when he still doesn't always come) because he's not coming to me or asking him ten times to put his sneakers on. I do know that he is highly distracted and he legitimately doesn't hear us if he is focused on something else. But there are definitely times when he purposely ignores us.

He is also crying and whining (what seems like) all the time. He doesn't want to get up. He doesn't want to go to school. He doesn't want me to leave his room when I drop him off. He doesn't want me to pick him up, at the end of the day. He doesn't want to eat dinner when it's time (then he's hungry at bed time). He doesn't want to go to bed. What gives??? I feel like it's spiraling out of control!



Thanks for listening. I know I am not alone in this, but sometimes, it does feel isolating.


10 comments:

  1. Amen sister! You are preaching to the choir here. I feel the exact same way. We have excellent days and then days I want to put them both in there rooms and go outside just to not listen to anymore fussing, tantrums, crying, or whining. It's so stinking hard. You are doing a great job though. It can only get better on those tough days. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. First of all, HUGS. You are a fantastic mother.

    Secondly, you are right when you say you're not alone. We are struggling HARD right now with Madeline. Our once obedient, sweet little girl is now a holy terror most days. I've raised my voice and disciplined more in the last 6 months than I ever imagined I would. Most nights after I put her to bed, I cry. I cry because I'm exhausted. I cry because I feel like I'm always being the bad cop instead of a good mom. I cry because I feel like I'm messing it ALL up. It all seems never-ending.

    The good news? I think this is a totally normal stage. Not that this information makes any of us feel better, but I say it more to tell you, give yourself grace. No one has this parenting gig figured out, even the best seasoned mom. We're all flying by the seat of our pants and probably setting our kids up for years of therapy (HaHa!)

    Jess, truly, you are doing your best. Your kids and Chad are so lucky to have you. Chin up, pretty. You've got this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is hard! So hard. What a rollercoaster. I'm with you on the 3 year old stage. Sometimes I just stare at Aria and have no idea what to say or do because she isn't listening at all, being completely stubborn, or entirely too sassy. It's always the worst at night when you are tired yourself and then you end the day on a sour note. But, then those glory days where things just go right. Those are pretty amazing. What's that saying..nobody is the best parent, but there are plenty of great ones? You are doing a great job, and a couple quick shots of vodka doesn't sound half bad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hugs to you, momma!!! I have enough trouble over here with my one newly turned three year old (the whining, the crying...I FEEL YOU. It's come on out of nowhere). I don't even want know how I'd be reacting if I had a baby crying at me at the same time. You are definitely not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh we are having a hard time with age three too! I am at a loss at times. Liam used to be so sweet & gentle, but lately he has started hitting his friends! It is so upsetting for me. I feel like I am tossing out threats all day long. So, plenty of empathy here!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You basically just wrote down my week. For real.
    My little man is 3 1/2, and my little lady is 3 months. Most days I'm like, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!" And the tears are plentiful (from the kids and me).
    There have been so many nights I sneak into my son's room while he's sleeping and just sob.

    Things will get better. I mean, they have to. Until then, I'll take a few shots with you.
    Bottoms up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know it's not easy and I don't have a toddler so I have NO IDEA just how hard it is. But I do know that I get to see you be a mom and you are a great one! Even when it's hard, they are so loved (which is evident because you are stressing about them feeling that) and they know it. <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry girl! Parenting is hard. The highs, the lows, it makes me feel bipolar sometimes! Hang in there, things will get better!! Wishing you the happiest of weekends!! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Parenting is hard and I only have one! Just know you are doing a great job! Thank god for those good days sprinkled in!

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh. you're so not alone! just tonight i had to take a break from k because i'm so tired of dealing. and i feel horrible about it! she's been sick. i get it. its out of her control. but i just need a bitty break. ya know? and three year olds. they suck. i swear we have a horrible week with lex and then months of sunshine. and then we're back to non-listening horrible weeks. i don't get it!

    ReplyDelete